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Former Enron Chief - Kenneth Lay, et al - Society’s Lesson

Lay ‘Shocked’ by Enron VerdictFormer Enron Chiefs Convicted in One of the Biggest Business Scandals in U.S. History–headline for one of the first articles written about the verdict of former Enron Chiefs Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling By Kristen Hays, the associated press, jumps off the page with stark clarity.

One wonders how either executive could be ‘Shocked’ by the verdict. Don’t they know right from wrong? Don’t they realize their ruthless business tactics not only destroyed the seventh largest corporation in America, but also devastated thousands of people’s livesemployees and investors. $60 billion in market value; $2.1 billion value of pension plans and 5,600 jobs were lost in Enron’s collapse.

The answer to those questions is more shocking than Lay being shocked at his conviction. The shocking answer is: Neither Skilling nor Lay believe they did anything wrong.

There is an explanation for this obvious moral and ethical disconnect.

It is a sociological fact that men are primarily valued for achievement, financial success and heroism. Being valued for achievement, success and ‘heroism’ produces arrogance and grandiosity: “I can do no wrong; I am entitled; I can do whatever I want and get away with it.” “The end justifies the means.”

Preoccupation with their own gratification in combination with lack of regard for others propels this behavior. Thus, in a vain attempt to fill themselves up, manipulators need bigger and bigger acts to fill the emptiness insidenot unlike the alcoholicthey become addicted to the chase and headiness of the win. It becomes an insidious downward spiral as they push the limits further and further to create the next emotional high.

There is a healthy level of self-centeredness and self-involvement, a feeling of excellence that is the natural companion of true accomplishment. Indeed, a certain degree of self-centeredness and self-involvement is considered a prerequisite to success. But the pathological form of self-centeredness and self-involvement impels people to achieve for neurotic reasons.

Closely tied to striving for achievement in unhealthy self-absorption is a need to fail. If your self-esteem is so fragile that you are unable to believe praise, you feel guilty and conflicted about success because you don’t believe you deserve it. Such people vacillate between a sense of undeserved success and a feeling of worthlessness.

It is a psychological fact that women are more concerned about their insides than about insider trading, hedging bets and pushing the limits. Women are inner-oriented and interested in everythingfrom the insides of their psyches to the inventory of their pantries. Girls are taught and rewarded for nurturing and supportive behavior, which requires self-examination and introspection. Boys, on the other hand, are taught that to be valued they must achieve and even be ‘heroes.’

Limits are stricter for girls; boys grow up to feel more comfortable scheming and testing out where the edge of the law is at home and in the community. In my practice I often hear parents say, “I never set a curfew for my son, because I know the girls’ parents set a curfew and the boys will be less likely to stay out longer than the girls.” The unspoken message is “Boys don’t need limits.” And for boys, the consequences of unacceptable behavior are less harsh. Unacceptable behavior in girls often leads to tangible negative consequencessuspension of allowance or privileges, being grounded or required to perform taskswhile the negative consequence for a boy is often merely, ‘a talking to.’ Boys get the message that scheming and flaunting limits is acceptableor at least, that there is no real price to pay.

Without limits, appropriate impulse control does not develop. Children look for limits, and unless they find them, they continue to push, becoming anxious when there seems to be no end to how far they can go. When a parent fails to set limits, the child feels unimportant and unloved. Limits and negative consequences for breaching them, on the other hand, reassure children that they are noticed and that someone cares.

Lack of limits or of enforcement of limits, coupled with the societal message that males must be ‘heroes’ and achieve success, puts tremendous pressure on men to scheme and push the limits in order to be valued. Those who manipulate to get what they want believe they must perform, produce and create bigger and bigger acts of ‘heroism’ to feel valued and powerful, as well as in order to allay their fears of vulnerability (resulting from lack of impulse control) and the humiliation of failure (the ultimate sign of unworthiness).

Since there are fewer women than men in positions of power, it stands to reason that fewer women abuse it. But there is a more intimate reason for the absence of women in the scandals of abuse of power.

When women feel the fear of failure or success, they lose their self-esteem, not their integrity. As a result, they berate themselves and work harder to succeed within the system.

Whatever these men achieve is viewed as a means to an endthat is, the continual search for love and approval. They often don’t know what their moral standards are. They haven’t experienced consequences as a result of transgressing limits during the critical maturational stages. As adults, they get themselves in trouble as punishment for having gotten something that, deep-down, they do not believe they deserve to have. They are seeking the negative consequences and limit-setting that they wanted/needed as children. Former WorldCom CEO, Bernard Ebbers, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling continued to manipulate the system more and more until the people around them could no longer be ignore or be a party to their flagrant abuse of power.

Richard Nixon, Oliver North, et al and more recently, Lewis (Scooter) Libby, Tom DeLay, Carl Rove, George W. Bush et al, are also, people who, on one level, want ‘the ultimate hero’ label, but on another level, they don’t believe they are worthy. Thus, they continually scheme, test and manipulate situations in ways that ensure they will eventually be caught.

On a conscious level, the only thing people, who abuse power, fear is being caught. Nevertheless, unconsciously, they want to be caught because they feel out of control. They often profess the greatest respect for the law, and many are lawyers; yet, paradoxically, they push the limits of the law and when caught, their first step is to hire the best lawyer possible to manipulate the law in their favorthus continuing their grandiose manipulation of the system. Furthermore, lawyers who manipulate the system are the lawyers who created the laws with loop holes and room for interpretationperpetually continuing a self-serving system. It is only fair, however, to point out that the system works in the favor of justice as well.

The profile of women who abuse positions of power is the same as that of menwith one exception. The exception is that they act for or because of a man, or have a man behind them. Sandra Brown, the first woman to launch a Federally Licensed Small Business Investment Company and many other innovative ventures, was convicted in Colorado for kiting $1.3 million. Her live-in companion and chief aide, a co-defendant, was behind her, as was her male attorney, who pleaded guilty and turned state’s evidence. Acting for a man were Bess Myerson and Judge Hortense Gable, indicted on charges of reducing Myerson’s lover’s alimony settlement in exchange for a job for the judge’s daughter in Myerson’s office as Commissioner of Consumer Affairs of New York City. More recently, Martha Stewart reportedly committed insider trading on the advice of her friend and confidant, ImClone Systems CEO, Sam Waksal. Stewart was convicted of four counts of obstructing justice and lying to investigators about a well-timed stock salenot insider trading. As her accomplice, Stewart’s male stockbroker was convicted of the same counts.

What can be done? If you are a parent, set limits for your children both male and female. If the limits are transgressed, enforce negative consequences immediately. If you are a boss or manager, hold all employees accountable for the methods they use to achieve a goal. Lines of responsibility and accountability need to be outlined in performance standards and judiciously followed with consequences for non-compliance.

“Negative consequences” does not mean “punitive.” Punitive invites retaliation and damages self-esteem. Verbal berating and hitting/spanking are examples of punitive consequences, as is any consequence out of proportion to the offense. An appropriate negative consequence for missing a curfew, for example, would be taking away the car for one weekend evening, or two evenings for a second offense. A younger child could be penalized by making him/her stay in his/her room for an evening without TV and or items of amusement. If the child is angry about the consequence, empathize rather than punishing further. Talking with your child regarding how he/she is in control of whether he/she has consequences is highly effective. The anger is appropriate and needs to be processed with empathy and discussion, additional punishment would be punitive.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, speaker and inspirational specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life’s challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Awareness and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net

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I’m My Own Grandpa!

OK, maybe not but I’m a lot like him in many respects. Yeah and the same goes for my Grandma and my Mom and Dad, too! I’m a lot like all of ‘em. Naturally, genetics does play a substantial role in all of this but I’m talking about all of the other stuff that goes deeper than that. Like my outlook on life, whether I have a tendency to get mad easily, if I talk louder than most people, how I treat my family members, whether I’d rather veg out on the sofa or read or build something or work out in the yard or Well, you get the idea.

It’s funny how life works. Sometimes we get really good, beneficial programming from our parents and grandparents and we point to them with pride and praise them for substantially contributing to our success. But then it sometimes works the other way, doesn’t it? You know what I mean? Have you ever heard the words, “Wow, you sound just like your Mother!” Or, “I swear, that’s exactly what your Father would have done!”

Ding! A major stab right in the center of our touchy button! How could anyone even dare to say something like that? How cruel can these people be? After all, these are the very things we absolutely, completely disliked about our parents. These are the very things that we swore we’d never, never, never do or say. No, no, no! These people have it all wrong! I’m ME! Completely ME! I’m not my Mother or my Father! No, no, no..

Ahem maybe we should take a couple minutes for a reality check. Sorry to have to tell you this, but there’s a real good chance that you are doing or saying those same exact things that you disliked so much in your parents. I know, this seems like another one of life’s cruel little tricks and I guess in a way, it is. Unfortunately, when we grow up exposed to repetitive behaviors - good or bad - our little brains get programmed to believe that this is the way life is. This is how our families talk or act. Our developing brains prompt us to mimic these behaviors and reinforce their validity. Then by the time we’re old enough to recognize that we don’t want these behaviors to be a part of our adult life, they are already pretty well stuck in our memory bank.

So now what? The normal tendency then, is to focus on this yucky stuff to try get rid of it. “I’m not going to yell at my kids!” “I’m not going to berate my spouse!” “I’m not going to be a whiner!” “I’m not going to be a compulsive shopper!” “I’m not, I’m not, I’m not!”

And what happens? Yep, here we are yelling, berating, whining and shopping our credit cards to the max! . Don’t you hate it when that happens?

Here’s the good news - and the good news. The first good news is that we’ve done it to ourselves. We’ve focused so hard on the “won’t do’s” that our poor little brain just keeps reinforcing those very behaviors we want to get rid of. It’s one of those “don’t think of an elephant” things. The instant you hear that phrase, what are you going to do? Yep, think of an elephant. It’s inevitable.

Here’s the other good news. The “focus” problem is fixable. Using the elephant as an example, the simple way not to think of an elephant is to. think of a kangaroo - or a tiger - or an alligator - or any other type of animal you can quickly think of. Easy, huh? Since our brain can only focus on one thing at a time, the elephant’s history.

By applying that same technique to the traits or tendencies that were so aggravating - or downright detrimental - in our older family members, we can send them to the history file right along with the elephant. Instead, for example, of focusing on “not yelling”, we can concentrate on talking quietly - or at least at a reasonable volume. Instead of thinking about not putting our spouse down, we can work to show kindness, consideration, thoughtfulness and of course, love.

By switching our focus to things we DO want to do, the way we would prefer to act and the person we want to become, we’ll be taking a giant step toward reinforcing those goals and our chances for success will increase considerably. Worth a try, don’tcha think?

Note: For those of you who can’t remember life before microwaves or color TV’s, the title of this article is really the title of a song from the 40’s. Of course, I’m much too young to actually remember hearing it coming from the little whitish Sylvania radio we had sitting on the living room table. I’m sure my Mom must have told me about it

Gene Simmons, through NuPathz.com, provides an easy reading self-help blog, articles, quotations, thoughts and links along with affordable self-help and self improvement books & materials - all designed to help folks find the road to a more enjoyable lifestyle, to pass on some of life’s “secrets for survival” in a chaotic world & offer a few smiles along the way. It’s a down-to-earth, simple approach to discovering a better life. You can visit Gene at http://www.nupathz.com/

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