The Wonderful Blog Which You ve Never Seen

I frequently like to think about where I am in my life and the things I’ve done - and the things I would still like to accomplish in whatever time I have left here on this old planet. A few mornings ago (I like to do this kind of thing in the morning with a big, hot cup of coffee) the question popped into my head, “What should I focus on next?” Now I’ve been at this personal growth stuff long enough to know that it’s not particularly easy to conduct an honest self-evaluation. The information has a tendency to get skewed because of our already built-in mental programming or filters. Then I remembered a technique that can usually help point us in the right direction. It’s one simple question. “What’s your trigger?” What do other people do or say that is bothersome to you - or even hacks you off completely? What hits your hot button?

In less than three seconds, I had my answer. My trigger is people making statements about a situation, event or concept which they present as 100 percent fact even though it is “obvious” they don’t know what they are talking about. Hmmm, it looks like there is a whole bunch of information - for me especially - in that sentence, doesn’t it?

Part one: Some time ago, a good friend - and boss - made the following observation. “Sometimes when people don’t know what they’re talking about - it shows!” Even though at the time he was referring to a co-worker, I also think it was a nice way for him to pass on a tidbit of important information to me too. And he was absolutely right. It can be a huge mistake to pass on erroneous information to any person or group of people who just may know more about the subject than we do. Occasionally we do this simply because we really think we have all the pertinent information about a topic. Once in a while though, we wind up “shooting from the hip” for one reason or another - and yes, often it is because our logic processes have provided us with what we feel is an accurate assumption. At times, we can even become so damned cock-sure that our opinions are correct that nothing - absolutely nothing - any other person says or does will change our mind. We’re right and that’s all there is to it!

Occasionally, we do it just so we can feel included - a contributing member of a group who is capable of conversing intelligently on the current subject. “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.” Yeah, there are also times when we tend to manipulate the information a bit so we can promote our own personal agenda and prompt our own desired outcome to a situation.

Sometimes we succeed in our efforts. Sometimes we don’t. The main variable in this of course, is that we never know who might be around that really will know more than we do about something. Sort of puts this in the category of verbal Russian roulette, doesn’t it?

Part two: Here’s where it gets downright personal. I learned some time ago - or thought I did anyway - that the more information I’ve absorbed over the years, the dumber I’ve gotten. It’s not that a whole bunch of the stuff that I thought I knew was completely incorrect. It’s just that I’ve come to realize there’s always more to know, more to think about related to any given subject. Details that I may not be aware of. Other possibilities to consider. What I write in my blogs and articles is only what I think I know right now. It could be different tomorrow.

It’s good to be aware of this, right? So why the hell then, when I’m talking with a family member about a particular subject, do I act as though I’m the world’s leading authority on this topic? I become the resident friggin’ expert - as I shoot from the hip and sort of think there’s a reasonable level of accuracy in what I’m saying but have no way to prove any of it. Nah, I don’t use this approach all the time. Just often enough to be annoying to the both of us involved in the conversation.

Maybe I’m trying too hard to assume a leadership role. Maybe I think that by being the perceived “authority” I can gain more respect (which of course, is so well deserved considering my vast accumulation of knowledge and abundance of wisdom). Or maybe I’m just being a butt-head. That’s probably more likely the case, huh?

Anyway, it’s something I need to work on. I need to remember that when I express an opinion, it would be best if I specifically say “This is just my opinion” - or “I’m not 100 percent certain about this, but it looks as though.” Or maybe even “Beats the crap outta me - but here’s a possibility” I think this approach would make life a little easier for all of us.

So it looks like I have my next self improvement project all laid out. What about you? Just check your triggers

Gene Simmons, through NuPathz.com, provides an easy reading self-help blog, articles, quotations, thoughts and links along with affordable personal growth and self improvement books & materials - all designed to help folks find the road to a more enjoyable lifestyle, to pass on some of life’s “secrets for survival” in a chaotic world & offer a few smiles along the way. It’s a down-to-earth, simple approach to discovering a better life. You can visit Gene at http://www.nupathz.com/

Tags: anger, personal development, personal growth, self evaluation, Self Help, self improvement, triggeranger, personal development, personal growth, self evaluation, Self Help, self improvement, trigger

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It is time for less talk and more action - loving action.

Loving actions are those actions that support our highest good and the highest good of others. Loving actions are those actions that are motivated by love rather than by fear.

Many people who have been on a path of personal and spiritual growth have spent a lot of time talking. Talking with friends about what is wrong and what they want. Talking with therapists about their past and their beliefs. Talking with a mate about what needs changing. They have explored and explored and talked and talked - and not much has changed.

Exploring our limiting beliefs and where we got them is essential for opening the door to loving action, but taking loving action is the secret to joy. We can talk and talk and learn and learn, but until we are willing to take loving action, nothing will change. It is not that it is time to stop learning about our fears and beliefs, but it is time for all this learning to result in loving action.

WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THE ACTIONS YOU TAKE?

We are always taking action, yet much of the time the actions we take are not loving, in that they do not support our own and others’ highest good.

All of our actions are being motivated by one of two intentions:

The intention to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. The intention to control is motivated by fear and the desire to protect against that which we fear.

The intention to learn about what is most loving to ourselves and others. This intention is motivated by love and the desire to become the most loving person we can be.

When our actions are being motivated by fear and our intent is to control, our wounded self is in charge.

When our actions are being motivated by love - both for ourselves and others - our loving Adult is in charge.

THE WOUNDED SELF

The wounded self is who we are when our primary intention is to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. Other common terms for the wounded self are the false self and the ego.

Our wounded self, coming from old fears and limiting beliefs, tries to feel safe through attempting to control our own painful feelings, as well as control others’ feelings and behavior and the outcome of things.

We are operating as our wounded self when we are listening to and taking action based on the programmed lies of our mind - lies such as:

* I’m not good enough.

* I will always end up alone.

* There is something essentially wrong with me.

* When others are angry or withdrawn, it is my fault.

* I am responsible for others’ feelings.

* Others are responsible for my feelings.

These are just a few of the hundreds of lies that we absorbed as we were growing up. When we listen to and take action based these false beliefs, our actions are controlling rather than loving. Controlling actions lead to anxiety, depression, stress, anger, and many other painful feelings. We get caught in a vicious circle of creating our pain with our unloving, controlling actions, then choosing more controlling actions in our attempt to stop the pain that we have created with our controlling actions. Whew!

For example, if you lash out at someone with blaming anger in an attempt to control him or her, you may end up feeling anxious and lonely. You may then try to control your feelings of anxiety and loneliness by overeating or eating junk. This may result in feeling physically bad as well as in weight gain. Then you may feel anxious and depressed over the weight gain, which may generate fears of rejection. You may then attempt to cover over your fears of rejection by being overly nice in your attempt to control how someone feels about you. When that person does not respond in a loving way to you, you may then feel hurt and lash out in anger and blame in your attempt to have control over the other person as well as over your own hurt. Now you are right back where you started - a vicious circle of pain and controlling behavior.

THE LOVING ADULT

In order to take loving action, your loving Adult needs to be in charge of your choices. Your loving Adult is who you are when you are coming from a deep desire to be a loving person and you are open to learning about what is most loving to yourself and others. When you are truly open to learning, you will naturally be connected with a higher source of guidance - i.e. when you ask “What is the most loving action in this moment?” helpful answers will pop into your mind. Once you receive the answer in a particular situation, the loving Adult then takes the loving action.

It is time to open to learning about loving action and then take the loving action. Less talk, more action!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Tags: anger, anxiety, depression, Fear, love, motivation, personal growth, Self Help, self improvementanger, anxiety, depression, Fear, love, motivation, personal growth, Self Help, self improvement

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I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for the past 35 years and authored eight published books. All this experience has resulted in the development of a profound six-step healing process, called Inner Bonding, which anyone can learn and use throughout the day (FREE course available - see resource box).

The violence in Littleton, Colorado sparked many discussions regarding the cause of such horrifying behavior on the part of two teenage boys. I would like to address this in terms on Inner Bonding.

In my experience, it is not possible for us as human beings to be violent when we are connected to our true, core Self and to a source of spiritual guidance. When we do the work we need to do to develop a spiritually connected loving adult self, we have an inner adult who places limits on our behavior regarding harming ourselves and others.

However, it is very common in our society for people to lose touch with their true, core Self. Since our core Self holds our intrinsic feelings of compassion and empathy for others, losing touch with this aspect of ourselves may cause us to be able to harm others without feeling any pain or remorse over it. The question is, then, how do we lose our connection with our core Selves?

Many child development experts state that those people who disconnect from their empathy and compassion, generally do so between the ages of two and four. If our parents lacked empathy and compassion for our feelings and needs, we might have chosen to be caretakers and take care of their needs, or we might have chosen to become like them and not care about others’ feelings and needs. We may have had no role modeling for maintaining our own inner connection. If our parents shut themselves down to our pain and their own, we may have learned to shut down to our own and others vulnerable feelings. If, in addition, we were physically, sexually, emotionally or verbally abused or neglected, we may have shut down to survive.

Some children, whose parents were shut down or abusive, manage to stay connected with their core Selves through contact with animals such as dogs or horses, while others stay connected through contact with relatives or friends with whom they identify. But many young children just disconnect to survive. When in this disconnected state, if they watch violence on TV or practice violence through video games, they may further train themselves to numb out against compassion, empathy, and the pain of harming others.

Likewise, if children grow up with no personal connection with a source of spiritual guidance, they may not know that we are all one, and they may not consider the possibility that the consequences of their actions may follow them into their lives after death.

Without connection with their core Self and their spiritual guidance, they are left with only their wounded selves. If they happen to be operating from an enraged wounded self, this self can certainly act out in angry and violent ways. With no loving inner Adult to set limits, the harm to themselves or others can be disastrous, as we have seen.

While limiting guns is certainly a good thing to do, it will not stop the violence. This violence will not stop until we no longer need to learn, as very young children, to barricade our hearts. As parents and teachers we need to be practicing a healing process such as Inner Bonding so that we can reclaim our core Selves and our deep connection with God. Only by doing our own inner work will we be able to be the loving role models that our children need. The change in our society must come from within each of us.

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Tags: anger, crime, criminal, economy, jobs, News, politics, social security, society, unionized, violence, workanger, crime, criminal, economy, jobs, News, politics, social security, society, unionized, violence, work

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