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Your Words Matter

Amidst much groaning and moaning, we carried one of our two kayaks from the bayside of the key to the beachtwo hundred yards of sweat and hand chafing. Loaded down with paddles and life preservers, we herded the kids to water’s edge.

Captain Linus on the bow, oarsman Dad behind him, first mate Camille next in line and oarswoman Mom at the sterninto the waves we surged.

After a few wobbly moments in the break, the crew settled. We began to scour the depths for the Gulf’s finestcow rays, turtles, fish of assorted sizes and our family favoritedolphin.

“Look, Momma,” squealed Camille.

Two hundred yards offshore we spotted the gently undulating fins, rising and falling like the waves they glided through.

“Let’s go play with them,” Linus called out.

We dug into the water and pulled away from the coastline.

At three boat lengths, we violated their comfort zone. Repeatedly they dove until we slowed behind them and gently kept pace.

Suddenly, the lead male leapt high into the sky, spun and crashed into a trough.

“Whoa,” Linus yelled. “I want him to do that again.”

“Ask him,” Ali counseled. “Use your mind and make a wish.”

I watched my son concentrate, gaze across the sea and softly say to himself:

“Come back and do another show. Come back and jump again.”

And then they surrounded us, a pod of eight leapfrogging through the surf.

Once. Twice. Three times. Four soaring twirls, completely air born. Spectacular. Magnificent. They snorted hellos through their blowholes.

In all her years on this island, Ali had never witnessed anything so magical.

They swam on.

Wait. Linus craved more.

“Maybe another day,” said Ali.

Armed with confidence and determination, Linus focused his attention.

“I’m gonna’ tell them again,” he proclaimed. “One more show.”

His brow fixed in thought, Linus mumbled to himself before looking up.

On the horizon, within seconds, a colossal vault, as if to salute us adieu, one final glimpse goodbye.

“Told you,” Linus beamed, triumphant.

We could debate for hours the true influence of a child’s pure mind over a group of swimming mammals. I choose to believe in his charm and spell. You might draw a different conclusion.

One fact remains indisputablethe impact of a few emboldening words on one small boy’s beliefs.

He will face the world with his head held a tad taller and his shoulders slightly further back because of a mother’s encouragementas would we all.

Fortunately, this phenomenon continues throughout adulthood.

Declarations of courage, expressions of spirit, pledges of the heartevery utterance bears a torch, lighting the way or burning it. Nothing sits in a vacuum.

We have much power to pick up a wounded soul, spur on a frightened yet hopeful comrade, challenge a friend to not give up.

Watch what comes out of your mouth.

Criticism damages far more than it heals.

Kindness builds. Insensitivity destroys.

Only three feet separate a pat on the back from a kick in the rear. One helps. The other hurts.

Which would you rather feel?

Your words matter.

On October 7th, that’s A View From The Ridge

www.aviewfromtheridge.com

About The Author

Accomplished author Ridgely Goldsborough has written numerous books and educational programs over the past 15 years. He publishes a heart-felt, inspirational Daily Column, which can be subscribed to at no charge at www.aviewfromtheridge.com. Ridgely resides in Florida with his family. ridgely@aviewfromtheridge.com

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Show Your Work

In seeking support, I have a concept I’ve often shared which has made a profound difference in how enthusiastically the support has been delivered. I call it showing your work.

When we were in school taking a math test, the teacher would say, “Show your work.” We’d lose points for not showing our work, how we arrived at our answer, even if our answer was correct.

The reason for this was that the teacher was more interested in our method for solving the problem than in the answer itself. We might have arrived at the right answer for the wrong reason, and there’d be no assurance that, in the future, we’d arrive at the proper solution to similar problems. Showing our work reassured the teacher. It showed him or her that we understood how to reason, and showed that, even if we made an error in calculation, resulting in a wrong answer, we could be relied on to think clearly and logically. That was the important thing. Nobody really cares how far down the track two trains will pass if one leaves New York at 9 a.m. traveling at 67 mph and the other one leaves Chicago at 10 a.m. traveling at 74 mph, but they do care that we can use our reasoning powers to solve problems in life.

It’s like the story of the guy who says to his friend, “I wish I had the money to buy an elephant.” His friend asks, “What would you want with an elephant?” He replies, “Nothing. I don’t want an elephant. I just wish I had the money.”

Showing your work, as it pertains to eliciting support, means letting people in on your thinking process. There’s a big difference in terms of the support you’ll receive between saying to someone, “I need to borrow a thousand dollars for a trip to Guatemala.” and saying, “One of the things that will feel rewarding to me is working in a small, indigenous village in Central America, helping the natives with their health and sanitation needs. A lot of people are concerned about safety in that part of the world, so I’ve done some research online to find out where the safest places are that are still in need of help. Guatemala has many villages crying out for help, and it’s completely safe. My plan is to spend six months working on my language skills and then to fly into Guatemala City where I’ll be met and taken to the town of Chichicastenango to work for six months. The only obstacle I’m facing now is finding the funds for my flight.”

Get the idea? In the second scenario, you’re showing your work. Even if they disagree with your conclusion, they can’t fault your thinking, and they may invest in you on the merits of your preparedness alone.

It’s likely that when you show your work, people will ask you more questions. Don’t be annoyed by that. Think of their questions as an opportunity to further clarify your thinking, justify your choice, or highlight areas of research you still need to do. Even if the questioner brings to light insurmountable problems with your plan, that’s a good thing. If the plan is unworkable, you’d rather know it now before going too deeply into its execution.

All in all, the idea of showing your work is an important one, if your intention is to enroll others in your dreams, goals, and projects.

Dr. Steve Taubman is a hypnotist and physician, and the author of UnHypnosis: How to Wake Up, Start Over, and Create the Life You’re Meant to Live. His writings and teachings guide people in the use of tools of transformation, and bring esoteric spiritual principles down to earth. Learn more about UnHypnosis by visiting http://www.unhypnosis.com

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T 25 Ways To Show It

Convicted criminals report that their violent behavior was caused by perceived disrespect.*

Everyone wants to be treated with respect, but respect means different things to different people. It also means different things in different cultures, so treating others with respect often becomes a serious problem. If you want to avoid offending someone by being disrespectful, you must think about both what they need and how you act.

Respect sometimes means

  1. Look at me-make eye contact!

  2. Don’t look at me.

  3. Listen attentively when I speak

  4. Respond to what I mean instead of to what I say. That often means respond to my emotions as well as to my words.

  5. Ignore my emotions when I am supposed to appear strong.

  6. Keep the agreements you make with me.

  7. Keep time agreements with me. Don’t keep me waiting.

  8. Notice what seems to be important to me and comment on it.

  9. Remember what I like and dislike.

  10. Don’t force me to encounter things I hate.

  11. Allow me my privacy.

  12. Don’t ignore me.

  13. Acknowledge everything I do well.

  14. Don’t demean me by commenting on my expected work.

  15. Offer to shake hands.

  16. Never disagree with me.

  17. Challenge my thinking.

  18. Don’t interrupt me.

  19. Interrupt me, it means you are listening and you care. New York)

  20. Protect me.

  21. Challenge me

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