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Former Enron Chief - Kenneth Lay, et al - Society’s Lesson

Lay ‘Shocked’ by Enron VerdictFormer Enron Chiefs Convicted in One of the Biggest Business Scandals in U.S. History–headline for one of the first articles written about the verdict of former Enron Chiefs Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling By Kristen Hays, the associated press, jumps off the page with stark clarity.

One wonders how either executive could be ‘Shocked’ by the verdict. Don’t they know right from wrong? Don’t they realize their ruthless business tactics not only destroyed the seventh largest corporation in America, but also devastated thousands of people’s livesemployees and investors. $60 billion in market value; $2.1 billion value of pension plans and 5,600 jobs were lost in Enron’s collapse.

The answer to those questions is more shocking than Lay being shocked at his conviction. The shocking answer is: Neither Skilling nor Lay believe they did anything wrong.

There is an explanation for this obvious moral and ethical disconnect.

It is a sociological fact that men are primarily valued for achievement, financial success and heroism. Being valued for achievement, success and ‘heroism’ produces arrogance and grandiosity: “I can do no wrong; I am entitled; I can do whatever I want and get away with it.” “The end justifies the means.”

Preoccupation with their own gratification in combination with lack of regard for others propels this behavior. Thus, in a vain attempt to fill themselves up, manipulators need bigger and bigger acts to fill the emptiness insidenot unlike the alcoholicthey become addicted to the chase and headiness of the win. It becomes an insidious downward spiral as they push the limits further and further to create the next emotional high.

There is a healthy level of self-centeredness and self-involvement, a feeling of excellence that is the natural companion of true accomplishment. Indeed, a certain degree of self-centeredness and self-involvement is considered a prerequisite to success. But the pathological form of self-centeredness and self-involvement impels people to achieve for neurotic reasons.

Closely tied to striving for achievement in unhealthy self-absorption is a need to fail. If your self-esteem is so fragile that you are unable to believe praise, you feel guilty and conflicted about success because you don’t believe you deserve it. Such people vacillate between a sense of undeserved success and a feeling of worthlessness.

It is a psychological fact that women are more concerned about their insides than about insider trading, hedging bets and pushing the limits. Women are inner-oriented and interested in everythingfrom the insides of their psyches to the inventory of their pantries. Girls are taught and rewarded for nurturing and supportive behavior, which requires self-examination and introspection. Boys, on the other hand, are taught that to be valued they must achieve and even be ‘heroes.’

Limits are stricter for girls; boys grow up to feel more comfortable scheming and testing out where the edge of the law is at home and in the community. In my practice I often hear parents say, “I never set a curfew for my son, because I know the girls’ parents set a curfew and the boys will be less likely to stay out longer than the girls.” The unspoken message is “Boys don’t need limits.” And for boys, the consequences of unacceptable behavior are less harsh. Unacceptable behavior in girls often leads to tangible negative consequencessuspension of allowance or privileges, being grounded or required to perform taskswhile the negative consequence for a boy is often merely, ‘a talking to.’ Boys get the message that scheming and flaunting limits is acceptableor at least, that there is no real price to pay.

Without limits, appropriate impulse control does not develop. Children look for limits, and unless they find them, they continue to push, becoming anxious when there seems to be no end to how far they can go. When a parent fails to set limits, the child feels unimportant and unloved. Limits and negative consequences for breaching them, on the other hand, reassure children that they are noticed and that someone cares.

Lack of limits or of enforcement of limits, coupled with the societal message that males must be ‘heroes’ and achieve success, puts tremendous pressure on men to scheme and push the limits in order to be valued. Those who manipulate to get what they want believe they must perform, produce and create bigger and bigger acts of ‘heroism’ to feel valued and powerful, as well as in order to allay their fears of vulnerability (resulting from lack of impulse control) and the humiliation of failure (the ultimate sign of unworthiness).

Since there are fewer women than men in positions of power, it stands to reason that fewer women abuse it. But there is a more intimate reason for the absence of women in the scandals of abuse of power.

When women feel the fear of failure or success, they lose their self-esteem, not their integrity. As a result, they berate themselves and work harder to succeed within the system.

Whatever these men achieve is viewed as a means to an endthat is, the continual search for love and approval. They often don’t know what their moral standards are. They haven’t experienced consequences as a result of transgressing limits during the critical maturational stages. As adults, they get themselves in trouble as punishment for having gotten something that, deep-down, they do not believe they deserve to have. They are seeking the negative consequences and limit-setting that they wanted/needed as children. Former WorldCom CEO, Bernard Ebbers, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling continued to manipulate the system more and more until the people around them could no longer be ignore or be a party to their flagrant abuse of power.

Richard Nixon, Oliver North, et al and more recently, Lewis (Scooter) Libby, Tom DeLay, Carl Rove, George W. Bush et al, are also, people who, on one level, want ‘the ultimate hero’ label, but on another level, they don’t believe they are worthy. Thus, they continually scheme, test and manipulate situations in ways that ensure they will eventually be caught.

On a conscious level, the only thing people, who abuse power, fear is being caught. Nevertheless, unconsciously, they want to be caught because they feel out of control. They often profess the greatest respect for the law, and many are lawyers; yet, paradoxically, they push the limits of the law and when caught, their first step is to hire the best lawyer possible to manipulate the law in their favorthus continuing their grandiose manipulation of the system. Furthermore, lawyers who manipulate the system are the lawyers who created the laws with loop holes and room for interpretationperpetually continuing a self-serving system. It is only fair, however, to point out that the system works in the favor of justice as well.

The profile of women who abuse positions of power is the same as that of menwith one exception. The exception is that they act for or because of a man, or have a man behind them. Sandra Brown, the first woman to launch a Federally Licensed Small Business Investment Company and many other innovative ventures, was convicted in Colorado for kiting $1.3 million. Her live-in companion and chief aide, a co-defendant, was behind her, as was her male attorney, who pleaded guilty and turned state’s evidence. Acting for a man were Bess Myerson and Judge Hortense Gable, indicted on charges of reducing Myerson’s lover’s alimony settlement in exchange for a job for the judge’s daughter in Myerson’s office as Commissioner of Consumer Affairs of New York City. More recently, Martha Stewart reportedly committed insider trading on the advice of her friend and confidant, ImClone Systems CEO, Sam Waksal. Stewart was convicted of four counts of obstructing justice and lying to investigators about a well-timed stock salenot insider trading. As her accomplice, Stewart’s male stockbroker was convicted of the same counts.

What can be done? If you are a parent, set limits for your children both male and female. If the limits are transgressed, enforce negative consequences immediately. If you are a boss or manager, hold all employees accountable for the methods they use to achieve a goal. Lines of responsibility and accountability need to be outlined in performance standards and judiciously followed with consequences for non-compliance.

“Negative consequences” does not mean “punitive.” Punitive invites retaliation and damages self-esteem. Verbal berating and hitting/spanking are examples of punitive consequences, as is any consequence out of proportion to the offense. An appropriate negative consequence for missing a curfew, for example, would be taking away the car for one weekend evening, or two evenings for a second offense. A younger child could be penalized by making him/her stay in his/her room for an evening without TV and or items of amusement. If the child is angry about the consequence, empathize rather than punishing further. Talking with your child regarding how he/she is in control of whether he/she has consequences is highly effective. The anger is appropriate and needs to be processed with empathy and discussion, additional punishment would be punitive.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, speaker and inspirational specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life’s challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Awareness and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net

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The Power Of Your Natural Self

“He was powerful not because he dominated the scene, but because he was being true.” -Buddha.

The greatest gift we give one another is the gift of our natural selves. For some this is not difficult, but for most it takes practice to stop the games they play, take off their masks and return to their natural selves.

Our natural self is filled with strength, life, energy and enthusiasm. It has no fixed role, but moves, changes, laughs, speaks and cares easily. Its actions and responses are straightforward, appropriate to the situation and to what the moment asks of it. It has natural wisdom and timing. When we function from our natural selves, we become strong. It is easy then to succeed.

This is available to everyone, but we are usually out of touch with it. When we live too much out of fixed images, longing for approval and social demands our natural self goes into the background. When we live too much out of the idea of who we “should” be, rather than who we “are” our natural self has no place to shine.

In a sense, we are all like flowers longing for the light while we keep our petals closed. There is plenty of sun and light available, but if we are closed we to it we cannot feel the warmth.

Most are accustomed to living their lives securely, encased within their set roles. This kind of living becomes automated and when we go on this way for too long it is easy to feel trapped, burnt out or unfulfilled.

“A true man belongs to no time or place, but is the center of things. Where he is, there is nature.”
Emerson

Being True

For many the idea of being true has become confused with the idea of being selfish, not caring about the feelings of others. Just the opposite is so. When we are able to respond naturally and truthfully, enormous caring begins to arise.

As we respond to another from our natural selves, they feel it immediately. It usually strikes a chord. They feel they are not being manipulated, but are with someone who’s authentic. Trust develops and as it does, estrangement, conflict and resentment often disappear all by themselves.

On the other hand, when we act simply from set roles and expectations, we are implicitly demanding this kind same kind of behavior from others as well. This produces a strain for everyone, and it is no wonder why we often feel so relieved when a false person leaves and we can be ourselves once again.

Healing Relationships

Often a partnership or friendship will break up because the partners cannot step out of old, worn out patterns. They do not know how. They do not realize that it takes two to keep a difficulty going. They are so identified with the roles they are playing, with their demands and expectations, there is no room for the relationship to grow.

One of the most powerful ways of healing a relationship is by spending some time walking in your partner’s shoes. When you are more flexible and accepting, you can easily do this. As you do, your fixed, limited image of the other person (and of the relationship) cannot help but dissolve. Once it does, neither you nor the relationship will ever be the same again.

There are an infinite number of dances to do in a relationship, an infinite number of ways to relate. When you are coming from your natural self, you become able to break old patterns that are no longer useful and be spontaneous and flexible. And you help your partner be that way too.

We constantly need to broaden our horizons and see our interactions and ourselves in new ways. Sometimes the things we are most afraid of saying or doing are the things, which will bring the greatest help, clarity and certainty.

If we do not expand and grow, we begin to wither. Nothing can stay the same forever. By living from our natural selves and looking carefully at the roles we play and how we define them, we begin to have a sense of increased possibilities and aliveness. This a sure fire cures for all forms of depression, hopelessness and burnout. Try it and see.

Exercise: Meeting Your Natural Self

Look for a moment at what being your natural self means to you.
What do you love to do? Write it down.
What kind of people do you truly enjoy being with?
What do you love about your relationship? What no longer has value?
What behavior or pattern is old and worn out for you in your life?
Each day drop one worn out (or negative) behavior or pattern.
Make room for something new to appear. It will. Allow it.

Cc/author/2005

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, is a psychologist, relationship expert, author and speaker. This article is based upon her most recent book, Living By Zen, http://www.livingbyzen.com. Dr. Shoshanna offers talks and workshops and is also the author of Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Why Men Leave, (Putnam) What He Can’t Tell You and Needs To Say, (Putnam), and Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), (Wiley). You can reach her at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her personal website is http://www.brendashoshanna.com

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