The Wonderful Blog Which You ve Never Seen

One of the challenges in creating work/life balance lies in the fact that it doesn’t just happen. It must be created. And, once created, it must be protected. Zealously.

One of the fastest routes to balance is to block out some time for yourself every single week. Aim for at least an hour two or three times a week, but everyone has a personal minimum that needs to be maintained. What’s this personal time for? Anything other than work. Remember that gym membership? This is when you can actually use it. Or get a massage, visit a museum, browse the bookstore, or have lunch with a friend. This is [a part of] the time that will make you a well-rounded, interesting human being rather than a worker-bee “human doing.”

The tricky part lies in protecting this time. So often, we make commitments to ourselves and break them when something else comes up. The key to getting the benefit of these self-appointments is to regard them as being as important as an appointment you make with someone else. Yes, sometimes you will have to cancel them. But if you find yourself canceling on more than a rare occasion, you aren’t really making an appointment; rather, you’re making a plan that will fold if anything better comes up, or if someone else asks you to do something work-related. Getting the benefit requires making the commitment.

Pull out your calendar, your PDA, whatever you use to keep track of your time and schedule some time for yourself. RIGHT NOW. Waiting until you know what demands may be coming your way won’t make it easier to do, it’ll make it less likely. Although spending time away from your work-related commitments may feel strange in the beginning, commit to trying it for six weeks and see what happens. There’s every likelihood that you’ll feel more relaxed and find renewed energy for your work.

Julie Fleming Brown provides professional and personal coaching by telephone for lawyers and others. Julie works with professionals on work/life balance issues, job transitions, and career transitions, and blogs extensively on work/life balance issues on her Life at the Bar Blog, at http://www.LifeAtTheBar.wordpress.com/ To contact Julie for a complimentary coaching exploration session, visit http://www.LifeAtTheBar.com/ and http://www.MerryHeartCoaching.com/

Tags: calendar, personal time, recreation, self care.appointment, stress, time managementcalendar, personal time, recreation, self care.appointment, stress, time management

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We hear a lot about how important it is to be compassionate toward
others, and it is very important. The problem is that you may not be able
to really feel compassion toward others until you are able to feel
compassionate toward yourself.

In the 37 years that I’ve been doing counseling, I’ve discovered that the
most common underlying cause of anxiety, depression, addictive
behavior and relationship problems is self-judgment. The most
prevalent self-judgment is:

“I’m not good enough.”

There are many variations to this core shame belief:

“I’m not lovable.”
“I’m unworthy.”
“I’m flawed.”
“I’m not important.”
“I’m bad.”
“I’m a failure.”
“I’m stupid.”
“I’m not okay.”
“I’m not enough.”

However you phrase it, it is saying the same thing. It is a profound
judgment against who you really are. And it is the opposite of self-
compassion.

The moment we judge ourselves, we are telling ourselves that we have
no good reasons for our feelings and behavior - that we are just not
good enough. Yet our feelings and behavior always come from our
belief system. When we are feeling badly and behaving in unloving
ways toward ourselves and others, it is always because we are
operating from false beliefs about ourselves and others.

If, instead of judging ourselves for our feelings and behavior, we were to
move into compassion for ourselves, we would open the door to
learning about the beliefs that are causing our pain.

What is your first response when someone blames you for something?
Do you judge yourself or judge the other person, or both? What
happens when you judge yourself or the other person? The chances are
that the interaction is not a healthy one.

What would happen if, when someone blames you for something, you
opened to compassion for your feelings of being blamed?

Let’s take an example of how different an interaction would be with self-
compassion rather than self-judgment. In the following interaction, John
attacks Mary for being over-drawn in their checking account. In the first
example, Mary goes into self-judgment. In the second example, Mary
goes into self-compassion.

John: Mary, we are overdrawn in our account again because you forgot
to enter some of the checks. What is the matter with you? Are you
stupid?

Mary: (thinks to herself, “I’m stupid. I can never do anything right.” Then
she defends herself and attacks John). I just forgot. What’s the big deal?
I’ve been too busy taking care of your stuff. If you would do more around
the house, I wouldn’t forget things like that.

John and Mary end up in a fight.

John: Mary, we are overdrawn in our account again because you forgot
to enter some of the checks. What is the matter with you? Are you
stupid?

Mary: (Mary tunes into how badly it feels to be attacked by John. She
has compassion for her own feelings of sadness and loneliness at being
attacked by someone whose love is important to her). John, this feels
awful inside. My stomach hurts when you attack me like this. I’m willing
to talk with you about the checkbook, but not when you are attacking me.
Please let me know when you are ready to talk with me about this
without blaming me.

Because Mary moved into compassion for her own feelings, she was
able to respond to John in a way that was loving to herself and to him.

Moving out of self-judgment and into self-compassion takes much
practice. Most of us have been practicing self-judgment for so long that it
has become our automatic way of being. It takes much consciousness to
move into self-compassion, but with practice you can move out of your
automatic judgmental thought and into a conscious compassionate
thought.

This one change in your thinking will create huge positive changes in
your life!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight
books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and
“Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner
Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site
for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her
at margaret@innerbonding.com Phone Sessions Available.

Tags: anxiety, Compassion, depression, personal growth, Self Help, self improvement, self judgment, stressanxiety, Compassion, depression, personal growth, Self Help, self improvement, self judgment, stress

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Ever had one of those days when you started out really good
and then suddenly it felt like the Universe threw you a
curve ball coated in disappointment?

We’ve all had them. Some disappointments are small, others
are large, but they still have the same yucky feeling that
gets triggered inside. You thought it was going to be one
way, then it changed. And sometimes- change stinks!

I think disappointment makes us feel like little kids again.

Remember when you didn’t receive something from Santa that
you really wanted? Or when someone didn’t do what they said
they were going to do? It can certainly feel devastating at
the time.

How do you handle your little kid inside feeling disappointed?

You stop, sit down, and remember that you’re OK. You are an
adult and you know that change happens, sometimes
unexpectedly, but you can handle it. Life is a river that
keeps flowing regardless of the obstacles in its path. Even
if it seems the path that you were counting on has suddenly
become blocked, the river will find another outlet. Be open
to receive it in another form.

Remember the old saying, “When one door closes, another will
appear?”

Don’t stay trapped in the disappointment. You stopped,
acknowledged it, gave it space and now it’s time to get
moving. Pick yourself up and keep flowing. Open the next
door when it is presented. Be open to receive, and trust
that you will always be provided for.

© Jaelin K. Reece

Jaelin K. Reece, formerly known as Jodie Foster, is a whole life coach, intuitive and guide. Jaelin uses her complementary skills as a gifted intuitive to facilitate people in realizing their true potential in their personal lives, relationships, career, and prosperity. She assists people in transforming their lives and creating the life they love to live.
Jaelin serves as a mentor, consultant and success partner for her clients. She is also the featured columnist Ask a Life Coach for About.com Holistic Healing. If you are interested in partnering with Jaelin as your mentor and life coach you may arrange a session with her through her website: Jaelin K. Reece, Life Coach or by visiting her blog Intuitive Innovations

Tags: handling disappointment, life, life coaching, self improvement, stress, whole life coachinghandling disappointment, life, life coaching, self improvement, stress, whole life coaching

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